Counting Pennies

I have a friend who’s married to a rich much older guy. She doesn’t work, study or has children, so she has a lot of money and a lot of free time in which to spend it. When we meet for coffee or lunch, she orders the most expensive thing in the menu or insists on meeting in 5-star restaurants where even breathing costs you a small fortune.

While this is an extreme example, I’m sure you have people just like that in your own life. They either have too much money or they just don’t care about spending it all, but in any case, they lead you astray from your thrifty goals.

How do you deal with something like this?

JUST SAY NO. Next time your friend suggests an expensive outing, say you can’t afford it. “Women, in particular, feel that we must over-explain,” says Dr. Debra Condren, the author of amBITCHous, a book redefining women’s ambition as a virtue, not a dirty word. If that’s your case, remember this mantra: I don’t have to agree to do anything that I don’t want to do and I don’t have to waste energy explaining.” Above all, stand your ground. Do not apologize, do not say “I wish I could, but I can’t.” Don’t be thrown by the sugarcoating on the request or your own fear of being rude. “Be nice, to a point, but don’t end up giving yourself away and then later regretting that you failed to set limits. Remember–it gets easier to say no!”

SUGGEST AN ALTERNATIVE. Pick the café or restaurant yourself rather than giving her the chance to do so. Or suggest meeting for a walk, a movie or a visit to the local art gallery.

STAY IN. Do you really have to go out every time you meet? How about having a spa night at home? Or meeting for late-night pizza and a couple of Blockbuster movies? This may not be an option if you have kids at home, but don’t discard the idea right away.

BREAK IT OFF. Finally, consider whether the friendship is really worth it. As you move on from one stage of your life to the next, it may be necessary to cut ties to people or things that are weighing you down or keeping you from moving forward. Sadly, some friendships and relationships are this way - they can keep you tied to the past, rather than help you move on. “When friendships consistently drain away your energy, it’s indeed time to terminate them,” says Olivia Fox, the author of The Pocket Guide to Becoming a Superstar in Your Field.

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